Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I Hate "False" Labor

According to, real labor contractions:
  • over time start coming at regular and shorter intervals, become increasingly more intense, and last longer
  • produce pain that starts in your lower back and wraps around to your abdomen
  • will persist and progress no matter what you do
So, what I felt last night (again, 2 in the morning) . . . let's see . . .
  • check
  • check
  • check
2 1/2 hours of everything labor is supposed to be . . . except that then it stopped.

And I'm not buying this whole, "You'll know when it's real" thing I got from the midwife this morning. When you want something bad enough, you can talk yourself into "knowing" and "feeling" for hours, only to have everything come to a grinding halt at 4am.

If I can't check these contractions against a symptom list like this one anymore, then what am I supposed to do with them? Ignore them for 2+ hours? My mom had a 6 hour labor. If I spend the first 2-3 hours ignoring the signs, and the next hour or two getting in touch with the midwife and traveling to the Birth Center, well, that's a little scary when you start to do the math, especially at rush hour. I know, I know, the odds are against a labor that short. They're also against not having any morning sickness, getting pregnant while on birth control, and having a posterior uterus. I've pretty much become an expert at defying the odds. I would be the one to have a 4 hour, painless labor and deliver in the bathtub.

Every time these contractions come, I want to believe that they're real, mostly because I want so darn much to finally see this little boy I've been carrying around. I want to hold him and start my life as a mom. And yes, I want to fit into normal clothes again. Is that so wrong?

I'm trying to wait patiently; really I am. But "false labor" is pretty lame.

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